my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
