...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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