Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
