the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
