First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
