Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The beer is more important than you right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
