i already hear my dad disowning me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize