I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
