im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
