it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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