Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
