i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
