Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
