I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
