I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
