I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize