She is in my trunk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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