it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
