My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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