I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
