Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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