If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
