Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
