Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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