I wanna bring you to show and tell
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
