She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
