My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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