College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All the doctor said was why
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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