You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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