If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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