um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
