I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
