the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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