Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
