I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize