Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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