I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
