Are we in a gay sports bar?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
