Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
