i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
