WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
