She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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