seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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