The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
