I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
