i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
