I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The uberlube is also flammable
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
