Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
vagina is talking i cant
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
