You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
