I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
