at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
