I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
