And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
