lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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