True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
