I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
