I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
