I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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