I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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