have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
