i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
