Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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