Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
