i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
