maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
