She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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