I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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