A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think people are normalizing furries
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
