shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
