ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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