why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
