had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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