I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
