I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
