is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
