i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
