your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
