Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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